This Sunday, May 17, at 7pm NBC is airing a special on magic that is far superior to the Fox magic exposed shows, and stars Ian Rowland, the British magician who will be performing Friday evening, May 22, for the Skeptics Society conference at the Pasadena Hilton (only those attending the conference will be able to come). Ian exposes psychic tricks instead of magic tricks.
Randi will be appearing on the Charles Grodin show (the show in which the camera is required to be on Grodin's face 97.6% of the time) debunking James Van Praagh, but according to Randi, he was sandbagged by Grodin, who desperately wants to believe in Van Praagh. A couple of weeks ago Van Praagh had Grodin talking to his dead mom. When Van Praagh was failing miserably with a woman, Grodin finally jumped in to help him by asking "Is there anything there from a child, James?" Pathetic. Apparently he is even worse with Randi, cutting him out of a good portion of the show he was promised. Check it out anyway.
Since this is a slow skeptical news week, I thought I would post a confession of mine I made several years ago.
Ever since we did an investigation of the Holocaust revisionists, I have received many letters, calls, faxes, and e-mails inquiring if I am Jewish, if Skeptic is run by Jews, and if Skeptic is funded by Jewish organizations. Some have wondered if my name--Shermer--is Jewish, or if it is really Schermer (pronounced "Schoimer").
I'm afraid the pressure is getting to me. I am no longer able to maintain the facade. I will now tell the world the truth through the world's communication system the Internet (which has been playing havoc with our control of information flow). The gig is up. You have found us out. Skeptic magazine is secretly controlled by the Jewish cabal known as the Zionist Organization Government, itself run by the Illuminati. (Notice the letters--KEPT--in SKEPTIC--we are indeed kept by the Illuminati. But there is more. Much more.) Now the truth can be told.
There are 12 men (actually 11 men and 1 woman--even the Illuminati have instituted an equal opportunity employment program) scattered around the globe who run the world, control economies, start and end wars, and instigate revolutions. (We also invented the killer bee.) Our long-term goal is the complete take-over of the world for Jews. My real name is Schermer. Illuminati #1 made me drop the "c" in order to keep my cover (I'm the west-coast rep). We are primarily funded through secret monies confiscated from the German government through reparations, and we "debunked" the Holocaust revisionists to give them additional attention and pretended to prove that the Holocaust really happened, even though we know it did not. The Holocaust story was completely made up by #7 (I'm #11, a rather late-comer to the Illuminati, but at least I beat #12, the first woman). He thought it might be a good way to raise money and get world-sympathy for the Jews, as well as a clever distraction while we were busy taking things over. But I'm afraid we could not fool the revisionists. They are just too clever.
If you want to stay in touch with what is really happening in the world you must subscribe to Skeptic. Here is the secret code: believe the exact opposite of what we claim to be true or false. That will tell you what you need to know. For example, the "Amazing" Randi is actually Director of the World Psychics Institute and since we use psychic power as one of our tools of control, we need to make the public think this is all nonsense. (Randi is actually Randinski, a Polish Jew who rose to the #4 Illuminati position when his close friend Uri Geller retired. Oh, all those lawsuits between them were part of the coverup.) And in our special issue of Skeptic on HIV and AIDS, in which we claim that HIV does cause AIDS despite what the HIV skeptics say, the truth is, AIDS was the invention of Illuminati #2, who had some medical training before rising to the #2 position in the world. He thought it would be a good way of eliminating a bunch of people we Jews don't like. It seems to be working out pretty well, wouldn't you say? This is why our operatives in Hollywood are all wearing those red ribbons. That is to get the U.S. government (which we actually control though we don't tell anyone there that we do) to continue to waste millions of dollars trying to find a cure, which they won't because only #2 has the cure. He keeps it in his top left drawer of his filing cabinet in his home office, but don't tell anyone because no one is suppose to know but me.
Anyone out there in cyberspace reading this I have some information that leads me to believe that Illuminati #5 has AIDS (we are so secretive that he did not know that #2 invented the disease). That would mean I move up to #10, and I could recommend someone for the new #12 spot (you'll be behind a woman but what the heck, you'll be in the top 12). The problem is now that I've spilled the beans everyone will want in and then the game is up, so here is what you should do if you want to keep this great thing going. Pass this message from me all over the planet. It sounds so ridiculous that no one will believe it and almost everyone will realize how idiotic it is to believe in such conspiracies, and our cover will maintained. Then, contact me about submitting an application for the #12 spot (I'm the chair of the selection committee--a real boring job having to read all those applications, but it traditionally falls on the #11 spot to do so). Depending on how long it takes #5 to go, you could be in the club in a manner of a year or two.
Meanwhile, next time you read Skeptic magazine, REMEMBER: believe the exact opposite, especially whenever we cover conspiracy theories. We say they are a bunch of bunk, so you know what that really means! Then, once we have made our choice, you will be contacted secretly when #5 goes. It won't be by phone, fax, or e-mail because these can be tapped. A man in a black suit will come to your door in the middle of summer and ask for a glass of hot water. This will seem strange, but this is your clue that he is one of us. At that point you will be given your secret code book, taught the handshake, and everything else you need to know to control the world. Oh, by the way, no one but me knows this, but #12, our newest member, controls who wins the National Basketball Association championship every year. If you want a hot tip, put down everything you own on the Los Angeles Lakers to take it all. I know it seems like a longshot now, but just watch things unfold. Have you noticed how the other NBA teams don't seem to be playing very well right now? This is no accident. Remember, we are the Illuminati.
In the light,
Michael Schoirmer
Illuminati #11 (soon to be #10!)